French Kissing – What Are The Rules About Kissing In France?

French kissing – the sort that the French do rather than the other sort – seems to have gotten a bit of a bad rap. To hear people talk it’s hardly safe to go out in public without some French person rushing up and plastering you with kisses. Male, female, young, old…

The truth, as usual, is somewhat less fruity!

The French do indeed kiss friends as a greeting. Usually on both cheeks. It’s often an air kiss between people who don’t know each other particularly well but close friends make contact. Depending on the region it might be two, three or even four kisses. If you’re in a bigish gathering this can take a while! You also kiss to say goodbye when you go home for the evening. Men kiss women, women kiss women…

…but I’ve very, very rarely seen men kiss men, and in fact the usual greeting for strangers, man or woman, is a handshake. Kissing is for friends. You don’t have to be much more than a casual acquaintance, it’s true, but it’s not for strangers. If you go up to a French person and try to kiss them the first time you meet you’ll be thought of as very forward, possibly rude.

The French are actually very polite, it’s just that as with most things in a foreign culture, knowing the rules for French kissing is not easy. Best advice is to watch and see what other people are doing.

So if in doubt, hold out your hand! The French always shake hands. I will shake the hand of a friend I meet in the street. Or someone I know who I meet in the bar. Or the mechanic I know at the garage. If someone comes to provide a service at my home, like fixing the phone, delivering a new freezer or quoting on some building work, I will invariably shake their hand. So will my wife.

We will not kiss them, no matter how good looking!

Neither do you kiss, or shake hands, absolutely every time you meet, just the first time each day. So if you meet someone in the morning having a coffee, you share the appropriate greeting. If you see them again that evening you would not normally greet them again beyond saying hello.Also, if you’re in a bar, for example, it’s not common to kiss or shake hands on leaving, but it would be if you were at someone’s house for dinner.

Confused yet? Like I said, best to watch what other people do. Quite often if you haven’t known someone at the start of an evening, let’s say at a dinner party, you would shake their hands when introduced. However, at the end of the evening, if you got on well, you might kiss to say goodnight.

French children seem automatically programmed to kiss from birth. I remember when we were first living in France being sat outside a bar and two young children arrived with their parents. We had never met before but both children came over and kissed us on the cheek. We were rather surprised at the time but their parents just gave us a friendly smile and a nod. The other thing we’ve had is children come up and present a cheek for us to kiss.

I’m not sure there is a rule for French kissing and you can be guaranteed that once you’ve learned what’s normal for a particular region it will change in a different one! The secret is to keep your wits about you, learn what is accepted as polite where you are and, if in doubt, shake hands. Actually, the secret is to accept it as part of being in France and not get stressed about it. If you are kissed, consider it a compliment – which is exactly what it is.